I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
