based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize