I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
