I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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