are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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