drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
