Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
