gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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