Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
