The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
