I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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