i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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