your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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