OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
