I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
