I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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