fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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