Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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