I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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