Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
