The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
