I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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