i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
