I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
