weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
