I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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