I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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