When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
