I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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