here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Randomize
