So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All the doctor said was why
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
