i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
