ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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