i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
