Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
