I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
