I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
