I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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