She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
