two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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