Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
