I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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