I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
