real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
