ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize