I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
