Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
