Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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