Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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