there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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