This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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