He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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