It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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