Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
