My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
