I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
