your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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