I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
