She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
