he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
