i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
