in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
