is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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