Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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