someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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