What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
