i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
