Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
