Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
