I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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