I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize