When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I came so hard my ears popped.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
