You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
