She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
