I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
